Monthly Archives: October 2015

Encinitas Meetup Recap – 10.27.15

Last night we had our regular meetup in Encinitas and welcomed back some familiar faces that we hadn’t seen in a while. The participation was excellent as we had 9 dads join in the discussion.  We started off at 5:45pm as usual by going around the room and introducing ourselves, our childr’s names and ages, and something significant that has happened since the last meetup.  It was great to hear from some of the guys that we haven’t seen in a while and get updates on how they are doing.

There were some common themes throughout the discussion which included self-acceptance (allowing ourselves to appreciate who we currently are) as well as being mindful of how our communication style greatly effects the way we get along with our significant others.  All members did a great job in helping other gets clarity on their issues and provided good feedback.  We then closed out the meetup at 7:15pm.

If you are in the area and would like to join our meetup group, signup up at Meetup.com.  Our next meetup is Tuesday,  November 17th @ 5:45pm in Encinitas.…

Sugar is Evil, Getting Intimacy Back, Gender Labels on Toys – Dudes To Dads Ep 34

Welcoming new listeners from Japan, Cambodia, Norway, South Africa, and more, Jason and Alan kick off Episode 34.  The episode begins with the topic of sugar and desserts for The Battlefield.  In Jason’s family, they have established that desserts are for weekends.  They also do “good food before bad.” We don’t want to completely deprive our kids or they will go crazy with it. Also consider healthy desserts like fruit.  For the mailbag, listener Grant writes:  “My wife and I had a first child 4 months ago.  Intimacy is pretty much gone. What can I do?”  Jason goes on to discuss some of the difficulties during this time.  The focus needs to be on being supportive, giving the woman a break, and most importantly make time for date night to be with each other. His desire for intimacy is valid but he is going t need to be very mindful of his approach.  In SuperCharge, we introduce the Fred & Friends DINNER WINNER Kids’ Dinner Tray which is food tray that divides food into eight portions, with an extra covered portion for dessert.  It provides positive statements for each bite that the child finishes.  We then get into Dad’s Debate to discuss gender labels on toys.  Jason mention this NY Times Article.  Target announced no labels for boys or girls, Amazon no longer uses gender based categories for toys, and athletic wear has blurred lines of gender.   We finishe the episode with 2 Quotes of the Day from someecards: “You’re making it difficult for me to be the parent I always imagined I would be” and “When my kids grow up, I’m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I’m bored & then just leave!”

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros

Bike Tracks, Punishment Debate, Telling The Truth – Dudes To Dads Ep 33

Alan and Jason start episode 33 with Stuff to Do by discussing the creation of a bike track.  While many people live in areas where this may not be possible, Jason lives in a culdesac so it allowed to keep the kids entertained but also close by.  As a result of having difficulty making the track with the chalk, SuperCharge introduces the Bike Chalk Trail Kit which makes it much easier to make a bike track with chalk.  The Mailbag is an email about punishment of kids and also transitions us into the Dad’s Debate.  The debate is about whether punishment is effective in getting the behavior you desire.  Our thoughts are that making your child suffer so he does what you want will later backfire.  Our role is to coach and guide them.  They learn faster when they aren’t punished.  The Light Her Fire segment talks about how re-enforcing the truth is more important than punishment.  All of this discussion about punishment shapes Dad’s Homework which is to not punish your child when they do something wrong.  We finished the episode with the Quote of the Day by Dr. Laura Markham:

Sure, kids need “discipline.”  But the verb “to discipline” means “to guide.”  There is absolutely no reason why our guidance needs to be punitive.  In fact, punishment backfires. We can’t really control another person. All we really have to work with is influence. And punishment erodes that influence. If we want kids to accept our guidance, we need to maintain a positive relationship with them.

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00) – Energetic water, sitting up straight, and ready for the episode

Stuff To Do (4:29) – Create a bike track

SuperCharge (8:39) – Bike Chalk Trail Kit

Mailbag (10:40) – How to punish kids when they do

What Do You Do When Your Child Has a Disease, Ailment, or Disorder? – Dudes To Dads Ep 32

In this episode we wanted to discuss how serious situations with our children effect us, how we can better handle them, and how to move forward. Jason’s friend Kevin joins the podcast again, but this time to talk about what his daughter and his family have dealt over the last few years. His daughter was diagnosed with Children’s Arthritis. This is something that effects the entire family, the circle of friends, and more. Kevin really opens up about the initial stages of determining what was wrong, some of the social aspects of dealing with a disease and provides some valuable tips for dealing with it along the way.

You don’t need to feel alone. You do need to get yourself informed and take action on what you need to. Kevin’s insight on his own family’s journey will hopefully help and inspire others.

Kevin also wanted to share some great resources for those dealing with Children’s Arthritis:

Arthritis Foundation Facebook Page

Kids Get Arthritis Too – Website
Kids Get Arthritis Too – Facebook Page

Living with Juvenile Arthritis: A Parent’s Guide

How Can Dads Communicate With Their Kids – LIVE Blab – Dudes To Dads Ep 31

We once again record this episode while being live on Blab.im.  If you want to learn how to communicate, you better first learn how to listen.  Communication starts with listening!  Talking with your kids is not a lecture, it’s two way discussion.  Jason mentioned some great tips from an article by Dr. Laura Markham on How to get your child to listen:

1. Don’t start talking until you have your child’s attention.  We spoke about GEMs last week.
2. Don’t repeat yourself.  Go back to step 1 if needed.
3. Use fewer words.
4. See it from their point of view.
5. Engage cooperation – Give choices.
6. Stay calm. Take a deep breath.
7. Set up routines.
8. Listen. (role model the bahavior)

From the parent’s side, the ability to listen responsibly:
Involves: Being silent-listening intently to an entire explanation
Does Not Involve: Interrupting or formulating your response while the other person is talking (ie. not truly listening)

Involves: Creating a warm atmosphere for talk.  Choosing a good time to share.
Does Not Involve: Insisting on a talk when the time is in-appropriate either for you or your child

Involves: Relaxing-responding to your child as an intimate friend
Does Not Involve: Displaying tension, disapproval, or hostility in facial or body expressions

Involves: Drawing out solutions from your child
Does Not Involve: Moralizing, fixing, converting, advising and lecturing

Involves: Allowing for complete expression of feeling
Does Not Involve: Denial, not permitting certain feelings to be expressed

National Center for Fathering  – article on dads and sons communicating
To get Your Son to talk, don’t try to get him to talk – work on a project or do something fun

Watch for cues that he’s ready to talk.

Be available – no matter what time

Affirm him verbally. I love …

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