Monthly Archives: November 2015

Dads & Addiction – A Family Disease – Interview with Addiction Counselor Chris McDuffie – Dudes To Dads Ep 38

Going through the transition from dude to dad can be very stressful.  For those who already may have some addiction issues, that process can make things worse for their addiction.  For others, they may turn to substances such as alcohol or drugs, or behaviors that are fueled by addiction in order to deal with the stress.  We wanted to get a better understanding of addiction and how dads are dealing with it.  For Episode 38, we are joined by Chris McDuffie, CEO of Turning Point Addiction and Recovery Services. Chris helps us understand what addiction looks like and how it’s often dealt with.  It doesn’t matter what race, age, education level, or income, addiction crosses all lines.  People often feel like they are “functional” not realizing what their real potential is if they were not an addict.  The #1 cause of addiction is prescription drugs.  Doctors and dentists are really driving the addiction as well.

Identifying yourself as an addict is someone that is not able to deal with life’s issues and stresses in a normal matter. If it is effecting your life in any way, there are resources that can help.  Reach out to a loved one, parent, teacher, religious leader, or anyone else and get help.

Chris also holds that there is no effective drug prevention education in schools.  The D.A.R.E. program has not been effective.  He says we need to have evidence based education, have curriculum in the school,  work with the community, and work with parents.  You want to delay drug use as much as possible, have an open dialogue with your kids and be sure to be a good role model for them.

To learn more about Chris and the services he offers, you can call 1-844-435-7371 or visit www.myturningpointbegins.com.…

How To Talk Your Kids About Death – Interview With Grief Counselor Jim Reiser – Dudes To Dads Ep 37

The discussion in episode 37 is on a topic that most parents avoid talking about – death.  Death is typically scary and brings up feelings we often do not know how to deal with.  But as parents,  how do you talk to your kids about death?   For this episode, we interviewed Jim Reiser,  Marriage & Family Therapist and Bereavement Services Coordinator at the Hospice of the North Coast.  When someone close dies, how do you communicate what is going on to your kids?  Different ages will require difference things, but there are a few basic things that Jim shares with us:

  1. Be honest
  2. Try to put yourself in the child’s shoes.  Look at it from their perspective.
  3. Use the word death, instead of many different terms.  It can confuse kids.
  4. Children are looking for guidance during these times.  Give it to them.
  5. Give yourself permission to grieve.
  6. Allow your kids to see the emotion
  7. Be inclusive and include them in whatever is going on: funeral, meetings, etc.
  8. Let a child lead the discussion

Jim says that “grief creates opportunity”.  This is specifically true with Jason as the creation of Dudes To Dads came from a time while he was grieving.  Also, grief brings about emotion.  It can be sadness, agression, anger, and many other emotions we often do not recognize as grief.

For our podcast listeners, Jim offered his contact information to help anyone who needs assistance.  You can call the Hospice of the North Coast at 760.431.4100 and ask for Jim Reiser.…

Working At Home Depression, Keeping Relationship Score, Puzzles, & Fort Building Kit – Dudes To Dads Ep 36

We begin episode 36 by talking about working at home and how many people experience difficulties with it.  In the local meetup, multiple dads. shared that they work out of the house and were starting to feel a little crazy.  They feel socially inept as they don’t get out and find themselves getting depressed.  This is really similar to how moms feel when they stay home and are with the baby all day.  They lose a sense of reality.  We need human, adult interaction. Jason explains his experience working from home and how he didn’t like it.   Light Her Fire touches on the fact that we often have energy for other people but not our spouse.  Making them a priority is crucial.   Unfortunately we often keep score n a relationship.  Many of us do it.  Keeping score is very self-centered and will not get you anything you want.  You then begin to see everything in a negative lense.  When you do find yourself thinking “I am always the one who does X”, add to the statement, “but my wife always does Y”.   The suggestion for Stuff To Do is to do an old fashion puzzle.  Jason shares the story that as a kid, he used to build puzzles with his family and they would glue them together and put them on the wall.  For SuperCharge, the guys suggest Crazy Forts which is a glow in the dark fort building kit.  They then provide the suggestion for Dad’s Homework which, for the next week, be mindful of not keeping score in your relationship.  First, acknowledge that you are doing it.  If you say “I’m always the one who does X” add, but my partner always does Y”.  We are often so focused on ourselves and what we contribute, we forget that

Being Critical Kills Your Relationship With Your Spouse and Kids – Dudes To Dads Ep 35

The topic for today hits close to home.  It’s about being critical.  We can be critical of ourselves, critical of our spouses, our children, or even complete strangers.  Jason’s hypothesis is that the happier we become with ourselves, the less critical we are all around.   He shares that he is noticing this within himself.  Earl Nightingale’s quote “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” really defines the subject matter for this episode.

Jason mentioned a great article in psychology today.  One of the statements: “Criticism is an utter failure at getting positive behavior change. Any short-term gain you might get from it just builds resentment down the line” resonates with the guys.  Alan and Jason then talk about Criticism vs Feedback.  Can you think of an example of where you might be considered critical?  Either with friends, significant other, or even co-workers?

The truth is that it does not work.  For example : coming home and making the statement…wow, this house is so messy.  Kids feel like they are being criticised and a spouse would take that personally and say that you are being critical of her.  Here are some better ways to provide feedback:

  1. Focus on how the person can improve not what is wrong
  2. Focus on the behavior you would like to see, not on the personality of your partner or child.
  3. Sincerely offer help.
  4. Respect his/her view even if you don’t agree.
  5. Resist the urge to punish or withdraw affection if he/she doesn’t do what you want.  Find a solution that works for both.

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