Monthly Archives: October 2016

The Importance of Having Fun as a Family – Dudes To Dads Ep 86

Children look to their parents as examples.  When parents don’t participate, the kids see this and may copy the behavior…choosing not to participate in things. I was talking to someone recently and they said they always thought there parents were boring because they never dressed up for Halloween or other holidays.  While you may accept being boring, the are benefits to parents having fun with their kids:

  • builds a family identity
  • creates confidence in the children
  • strengthens internal bonds
  • can create lasting traditions
  • less behavior problems, drug abuse, teen issues

For you as a dad personally:

  • reduce stress levels
  • increase serotonin (makes you happy)
  • create better relationships with your kids
  • score a few points with the wife

Ways to have fun – you’ll notice none of these involve electronicsor TV

  • Playing Games – Board games, hide and seek
  • Food – Eating meals at a restaurant, picnic at a park, eating outside, having them help you cook
  • Creative projects – carving pumpkins, using sidewalk chalk on the street
  • Vacation – from camping to a luxury resort, there may be something to do for everyone.
  • Sporting Events – doesn’t even have to be pro, it could be college or even high school sports

Tips for success

  • Brand the event – Instead of just game night, call it the “Smith Family Game Bonanza”
  • It’s also crucial to set aside time to have fun.  Put fun in the calendar.
  • Make then regular activities.  Do it weekly, monthly, or whatever makes sense
  • Ask your children what they want to do too.  What you think is fun may not be the same for them.

Why Kids Lie – How To Deal With Kids Lying – Dudes To Dads Ep 85

Why Do Kids Lie?
You can’t take it personally or feel that you have failed as a parent.  Kids are going to lie and try to push boundaries. It’s totally normal for them to lie.   Whether they want attention or want to avoid something bad they all do it.

The reasons they lie varies based on age.

Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 2 to 4)
They don’t yet understand where truth begins and ends.  Reality is a little unclear

School-Age and Big Kids (Ages 5 to 8)
Often lie about school, classes, homework, teachers, and friends
Often lie because the responsibilities are too much.  There is too much pressure

Tweens (Ages 9 to 12)
To avoid getting in trouble
Getting better at maintaining lies
More senstive to repercussions
May be important to teach them situations where being completely honest isn’t polite….like when someone cooks food for you and asks if you like it.

Here are some links of the articles we reference:
http://time.com/3628783/lying-punishment-kids-lie-more-study/

How to Deal with Lying in Children and Teens

Researchers traced the effectiveness of punishment in 372 kids between the ages of 4 and 8, finding that children were less likely to tell the truth when threatened with punishment, and more likely to tell the truth when they thought it would please an adult.

Don’t punish a child for telling a lie.  Encourage them to tell the truth.

Here are a few ways to encourage honesty from a supernanny article:

1. Calmly name the issue but don’t demand confessions.  Never call your child a liar or bring up the past.

2. Try to understand why your child is finding it hard to be honest.  Avoiding diclipline, pressure

3. Teach your child about why lying doesn’t work.  The boy who cried wolf

4. Respond with clear consequences. Very …

4 Styles of Parenting & Their Effects on Children – Dudes To Dads Ep 84

In episode 84 we explore the 4 styles of parenting: authoritarian, permissive, neglectful, and authoritative.  We examine how to recognize each style and how each style effects the child.

1) Authoritarian Parenting – strict, rely on obedience.  Structure.  Rules and structure are good but typically authoritarian’s take it too far.

How to recognize 
Authoritarian parenting?
– Do you use punishment to get your kids to do something you ask?
– Not alot of being warm and fuzzy toward the child
– Do you have strict rules that need to be followed?
– Use the term “Because I said so”

What does Authoritarian parenting do to kids?
Low self-esteem
difficulty in social situations
misbehaving outside of parental site
fearful or shy
associate obedience with love

2) Permissive Parenting – also known as indulgent, responsive but not demanding, avoid confrontation, lack of structure.  This style is nurturing and loving but doesn’t provide any structure.

How to recognize Permissive parenting?
– Do you avoid conflict with your child?
– You want to be their friend rather than parent
– Use rewards or bribes to get them to do things

What does Permissive parenting do to kids?
Teens are 3X more likely to engage in underage heavy alcohol consumption
poor social skills
lack of discipline
poor academic performance
lack of motivation
problems with authority

3) Neglectful / Uninvolved – probably the most harmful.  It’s typically not cause by children’s behavior.  Parents with this style need help.  The good news is that it can be helped.

How to recognize Neglectful / Uninvolved parenting:
– Do you know what is going on in your child’s life?
– Is the home a safe place?
– Do you spend a lot of time away from home leaving the child alone?
– Do you spend any time …

For Moms – Stop Giving Advice or Helping Someone Else’s Dad – We Got This – Dudes To Dads Ep 83

This is a Public service announcement for women.  Please pass this podcast along to every woman you know.

Women, let dads parent their own kids!  If they aren’t asking for help, don’t help them.  I share a story of my daughter being upset before school last year.  She had misplaced or lost something she needed before school and was crying.  I was using my parenting techniques, offering empathy, kneeling down to help, and listening to what was wrong.  I got this!

A mom who knows my daughter comes over and begins talking to my daughter right in front of me.  It was almost as if I didn’t exist.  It would be different if she said “do you want me to try and talk to her?”  I would have said no, I got this but thank you for asking.   As men we interpret this as she thinks we are completely incapable of parenting our child or handling the situation.

I asked my wife if something like this has ever happen to her and she said no.  It’s happen to me multiple times.

It then happened again recently.
 This time my daughter forgot some event that day and wore the wrong shoes.  It was ok because we had both pairs but for whatever reason for a 6 year old it was a big deal.  I totally got this!  I once again re-assured my daughter we would be able to solve it.  A mom sees her crying and immediately feels the need to come over and step in front of me.

These types of situations happen all the time. A dad in our meetup group runs a “stay at home” dad meetup.  He indicated that as a stay at home dad, he encounters women commenting on the capabilities or making sarcastic comments quite …

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