Monthly Archives: November 2016

Fighting Depression With Gratitude – Dudes To Dads Ep 91

Let’s face it, as a dad (or any human for that matter) you have good days and bad days. For those that seem to have more bad days than good, this episode is for you. Now I am not a doctor so I am not providing medical advice. This may not be the answer for someone with severe depression or a serious illness. For that you will want to seek mental attention. What I am proposing is a way to get you out of your funk.

We talked about teaching our children gratitude in episode 80. The most important way to teach your children gratitude is to model it yourself.

When you are in the midst of feeling crappy, it can be extremely difficult to see the light and imagine what it is like to feel good. Whether you are having problems in your relationship, your kids are driving you crazy, your job isn’t going well….whatever it is, I ask you try fighting the depression with gratitude. I can tell you first hand that this has worked for me.

Here are some things you can do to begin feeling gratitude. We can start with baby steps:

1) Go buy a journal or a notebook.

2) When you wake up in the morning ask yourself, what is one thing in my life that I am grateful for? You must write down “I am grateful for ______ and be sure to include because. For example, I am grateful for my family because they love me unconditionally. If you have problems thinking of something, then write down that you are breathing, that you had an opportunity to sleep, that you have a roof over your head, that you have food in the house. It only takes one positive thought to begin getting on …

14 Ways to Help Your Wife After The Child is Born – Dudes To Dads Ep 90

The last episode asked the women to take action. With Episode 90 we are now back to our regular scheduled programming and working on dads and what we can do.

14 Ways to Help Your Wife After The Child is Born

1. Have a meeting and divide the labor. Agree on who is doing what.

2. When you get home from work, immediately take the baby from her hands

3. Bring her flowers and tell her they are for being an amazing mom. Include a card.

4. Hire someone to clean the house. If you can’t afford it, you clean it.

5. Give her a spa day. That means massage, facial, nails, hair, whatever. If you can’t afford that, give her a “free day” where she is obligated to do nothing except something she wants to do.

6. Arrange for a babysitter and take her out to dinner. If you can’t afford a sitter, get family or exchange with a friend. There is always someone who would be willing to watch the child.

7. Let her sleep. Most likely she is sleep deprived. If you can do it on a regular basis that is great. Maybe you get up early Saturday mornings so she can sleep in. Have this be a part of the meeting.

8. Let her know she is beautiful. She may not believe it, but it’s important. This may sound something like “It’s so amazing watching you with our child. You are really beautiful.” Do it regularly.

9. Don’t take irrational behavior personally. Her hormones can be crazy, her behavior erratic, and her responses not very friendly. Take it with a grain of salt. Don’t take abuse but also know that it’s some other personality doing the talking for her.

10. Give her a massage (without expecting …

For Women – 7 Ways to Get Your Husband More Involved With The Baby – Dudes To Dads Ep 89

We have talked about how men can be more supportive to their spouse during and after pregnancy. What if he is not doing it? What is they the guy is clueless?
A pain point with women is they often feel their men aren’t involved enough. As men, we might not even know what to do. I don’t think it’s often a conscious choice.

However, the last thing on a woman’s mind when she is breastfeeding a 3 month old, is that she should cater to the guy’s needs. But is she wants him to be more involved and take an active role, it may be up to her to take action.

Understand the purpose of this is empowerment to the women. You are able to take charge of the situation.

Here are 7 Tips to Get Your Husband More Involved With the Baby:

  1. Attention – Try to find a balance time between spouse and child.  When the child comes along, men often feel (and are) third in line.  Things light date nights are important.
  2. Appreciation – Provide him positive re-inforcement. Replace criticism with praise.
  3. Understand there is more than just “your way” to do things – When he tries to help, be ok with his method, style, or way of doing things.
  4. Do family activities – Go to the park, go for walks, just doing something together. He gets to participate and feel like it’s one unit, not you and the baby against him.
  5. Have a meeting to divide the labor – Give him tasks like bathing and feeding and write out the chores, and work each other are going to take on.
  6. Ask for help – This is basic but yet really difficult for many women.  Provide instruction so he knows exactly what is expected.
  7. Take time away from

Raising a Special Needs Child – Interview With a Father – Dudes To Dads Ep 88

In episode 88 we are joined by Jim, father of a special needs child TJ.  His son is now 22 years old and he talks about the learning experiences he had, the impact his child has had on him, and suggestions on important actions to take when you child has special needs.  While his son had learning disabilities and his motor skills are slower, Jim put forth tremendous effort for his son to have a “normal” life.

Here are 5 Tips on Raising a Special Needs Child:

1. Have patience – If you want someone to learn, you need to be patient.  You must catch yourself before you lose focus of the child and what is important.
2. Presence – You must be a big part of their life.  This means being present within their school, activities, and daily life.  You must live in the moment.
3. Allowing more independence – Whether special needs or not, we often do much more for our children than they need.  They are very capable.  An important point for Jim was that he would have wished he allowed his son to do more for himself and possibly fail more often.  Failing and learning from your mistakes is important.
4. Keeping your child social – Have your child interact with others regularly.  Many times they prefer to be solitary but it’s essential to have friends, participate in activities such as music, sports, art, or other interests.
5. Education – While continuing education of your child is crucial to development, it’s also essential as a dad, you continue to educate yourself about your child’s situation.…

How to Get Your Kids To Stop Complaining – Dudes To Dads Ep 87

We complain to get things “off our chest” not to resolve problems of fix things.  This makes our complaints worthless. For example, we often complain about people: whether it is co-workers, spouse, or even our kids.  However the complaining typically isn’t even to the people or person that can effect the outcome.

We complain about traffic, food, friends, customer service, etc. How often are our complaints really reaching someone who can help fix it? If you are out to dinner with your spouse and you complain to them about the food, they can’t fix it.  You need to tell the server in order for it to be fixed.

Jason provides the example of traffic.  His kids started complaining about traffic and he noticed that they obviously got that from him.

We have issues and complaints all day long.  The accumulation of frustration and helplessness from daily complaints impacts our moods and overall mental health. Chronic complainers think the world is out to get them

Here are 5 ways to reduce complaining:

1) Recognize a complaint
2) Put a rubberband on your wrist and snap it each time you complain.
3) Practice mindfullness – practice yoga and/or meditation
4) Learn to be grateful – I found an app that prompts me each day
5) Make a change – if you can affect the outcome, then take action.  If you can’t, ask yourself if the complaining helps the situation

For kids, there would typically be reasons (which are important to them) that they are complaining:  They may feel disconnected, they don’t like the change in location, or they just simply are not getting what they want.

Here are a few things you can do:

1) Be calm and try to look at it from their perspective
2) Use empathy to validate their …

Let's get social on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn!