Monthly Archives: April 2017

Regret Is Toxic, Learn How To Avoid It – Dudes to Dads Ep 112

There are many people who have written or spoke on the topic of regret.  In reading a few articles, there were social workers, hospice nurses, or people who are around individuals in the final days of their lives.  There seem to be common themes around regret.

If you talk to people with not a lot of time left, they will often use the phrase “I wish I had….”  In order for us to learn how to avoid regret, it really does make sense to understand what people say when they are in the old age.

Gary Vaynerchuck, the marketing and business expert I follow, has a few videos about regret.  He says the same thing.  If you want to get motivated and learn what not to do, go visit a nursing home and talk to 80 and 90-year-olds.  They will tell you what they wish they would have done differently.

When we are young, we are so occupied with day to day, we often don’t look at the big picture.  The reality is that it’s hard to do.  At least I can admit that for myself.  One of the reasons I created this podcast was to remind myself of the big picture.  What are the most important things?

Let’s take a look at 7 of the major regrets that older people talk about:

1) I wish I had not spent so much time working.  My mother used to say, “nobody on their deathbed ever said, “I should have spent more time at the office”.  Yes, we often feel trapped.  We feel we have to work in order to support the family.

2) I wish I had been more loving to the people who matter the most.  This may be our spouse, our parents, our children, or even our friends. In …

Strangers Are Not Bad – Tricky People Are – Dudes To Dads Ep 111

Remember growing up we would always hear:  “Don’t talk to strangers” or even better was the chant “Stranger Danger”.   The problem is that most strangers are not dangerous.  There are a few flaws with this method:

1) It is based on fear.  Promoting fear is not good.

2) If we base it on how people look, it’s a form of profiling or prejudice.  We don’t want to teach that.

3) The reality is that abductions or kidnappings are often done by people the child knows.

4) A child may be afraid to ask for help if they need it.

I came across an article in which a woman had taught her kids to look out for “tricky people” instead of strangers.  This lesson ultimately saved their life as they were approached by some people and senses that something wasn’t right.

When you have kids, safety is a really big issue. You constantly worry about them being safe, where they are, who is around them, etc.

However, we want our kids to be social and not live by fear.  Being comfortable around people and being able to talk to people are important skills.

This episode is designed for dads to be able to take this information and talk with their kids.  I think it’s important we change the words we used.  If you use “stranger”, you are left trying to teach them good strangers versus bad strangers.  It can be confusing.

When we use the term “tricky people” it really speaks to the type of person that is trying to manipulate them or could do something to them. So how do we teach our kids to identify tricky people?  How do we teach them to be “street smart”?

1)  It can be someone you don’t know, someone you know a little

11 Reasons Why Young Children Misbehave & What To Do About it – Dudes To Dads Ep 110

One of the most frustrating things about dealing with children is mis-behavior.  In this Episode 110, we explore 11 reasons why young children misbehave and what to do about it.

1) They are tired / Put them to sleep

2) They want to assert their independence or control  / Give them choices – would you like X or Y

3) They don’t understand the rules / Be sure to explain the rules, post them if you need to

4) They are bored  / Ask them questions –  instead of always being their entertainment – What is something you enjoy?

5) They lack the skills – they are young, their brain hasn’t yet developed that part or simply they just have not had enough practice / Teach them what they need to know

6) Your expectations are too high –  is it normal child behavior? / lower or stop having expectations

7) They saw it somewhere else – friends or parents / Explain what you want to see not what you don’t want to see

8) They don’t know how to control their emotions – this is sort of a combination of many but they need to learn about the different kinds of emotions and how to deal with them / Teach them to be able to calm themselves, teach them it’s ok to have emotions but need to handle it appropriately

9) They are hungry / Make sure they eat, bring snacks, don’t go too long without food.

10) They want attention / Don’t give them the attention

11) They have been rewarded for bad behavior (they got negative attention) / Focus on rewarding positive behavior – listen to episode 109

Can You Give Your Kids Too Much Attention? – Dudes To Dads Ep 109

Who doesn’t like attention?  The problem is that we as parents pay much more attention to our kids when they behave badly than when they are good.  In episode 109 we look at the different kinds of attention and what to do about it.  The reality is that our children misbehaving is OUR FAULT.

There are 3 kinds of Attention:

  1. Positive Attention – This can be affection, praise.  We typically do this when they are well behaved.   We give them approval.
  2. Negative Attention – Giving them attention when the misbehave.  This can be yelling, lectures, threats.  This is still a reward.  Let me repeat that: Negative attention is still a reward!  It teaches them to interrupt you, annoy you, behave rudely, etc.
  3. No Attention

The problem is that children want attention all the time.  If they don’t get positive attention, they will still want it and negative attention provides that.

We give so much more negative attention than positive. So the answer is to give positive attention and they will want more of that.

You and your brother are playing so nicely together
– You should be really proud of yourself for reading that entire book
– I really appreciate that you put your clothes away
– It was very nice of you to let your sister choose the television show.

In our meetup group, one of the dads was telling a story about how his 6-year-old daughter would often complain of a stomach ache.

Of course, they would cater to her and give her attention.  She has now come forward saying that her stomach didn’t really hurt.

These are difficult situations because you can’t discount when a young child says they are in pain or struggling.  It’s a hard situation.

So we ask the question: Can you give

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