Monthly Archives: August 2017

Is Wanting Time Alone Considered Being Selfish? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 130

In Episode 130 Alan and Jason have a discussion about Dads managing their time and having alone time.  There seem to be 3 different scenarios:

Dads with No Time 
– These dads need to make time for themselves.  If they are wanting time, how do they carve it out?  If they are happy, does that mean it’s not a problem?

Dads who don’t need a lot of time – These are people in which they don’t have a lot of requirements for their own time.  Or they may carve out time that the balance is currently ok.  Jason explains how this is how he currently lives.  He gets up early in the morning to get his own time.

Dads that take too much time – These dads go on golf trips and spend a lot of time away from the family.  The wives may be feeling neglected. The guys who are doing it don’t know or care.  Do they not appreciate their wives?

Some people may consider alone time selfishness but it really depends on your attitude around it and the people around you.  If the people around you are bothered by it, you might want to re-evaluate the time you are spending away.…

Teaching Your Child Time Management – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 129

This podcast episode 129 was inspired by an article found on written by Apryl Duncan.  While plenty of adults struggle with time management, it’s important for us to pass this education on to our kids.  Here are some tips:

Start Early – Don’t wait until they are teens to teach them time management. Toddlers and pre-schoolers can learn skills to begin understanding time management.

Make it fun – If you stress out badly with time, they may too. You’ll want to make the exercises fun. We’ll talk about some things to do and you will want to keep it light.

Teach Them About Time – How to read a clock. Help them understand what 5 minutes mean. This takes some time.

Make a family calendar – This calendar should have everyone’s general schedule and what is going on with the family.

Let them have their own calendar – In addition to the family calendar, they can have their own. This can tell them when to get and get ready for school, when to attend their sports activity, or when an event is happening. This gives them a sense of ownership

Establish Set Meal Times – This is ideal for eating together and for example, they know to come inside because dinner is at X time. In the mornings, they know they need to eat by 7:15 to be on time for school.

Don’t Overschedule – Don’t have them participating in every sport or after school activity. Don’t book 3 parties on a Saturday. It’s very easy to fall into this trap.

Schedule downtime – While adults need downtime, so do kids. If time is feeling limited, put free time on the calendar as well.

Teaching them priorities – First. Next Last. This is a good method for learning …

7 Ways to Motivate Your Kids Without Bribing Them – Dudes To Dads Ep 128

Rewards can motivate people, but it’s short term.  If the reward stops, then the behavior stops.  If you stopped getting paid for work, would you still go?

We see rewards and bribes everywhere: including schools and in homes.  For true motivation, it has to come from within.  For example, if you take anyone who is at the top of their game: athlete, musician, businessperson.  The motivation comes from within.  Nobody has to stand over them telling them to practice every day.  If they did have that, they will surely get burned out of doing it.

So how do we motivate our children?  Well,  it’s certainly important to first have a strong relationship with them.  Let’s go over

1) Talk to Them – Talk about the importance of the activity.  “It’s important to have your room clean so you can find things when you need it.  Or so that nobody gets hurt while walking through it.  Don’t use words like “have to” must” or ” should”.

2) Positive Reinforcement – When they do something that may require motivation, make a big deal about it.  Be sure it’s unsolicited.  “Wow son, I really appreciate you taking out the trash this morning.”  or “I saw you put away your dish after dinner.  That was really helpful”

3) Offer choices – Kids like being in control and when they are young, love to test it.  Offer them choices to help motivate them in the right direction:  “Would you rather take a bath or a shower tonight?”  Would you like to do your 15 minutes of homework reading with me tonight or by yourself?  It gives them a sense of control but still requires them to do the activity

4) Set Goals – Make sure they are realistic but setting goals on individual accomplishments can …

How To Stop Kids Talking Back – Dudes To Dads Ep 127

In episode 127 we cover how to stop kids from talking back.  There are a few other terms for “talking back” or “back talk. These can be:

– smart mouth
– being snappy
– sassy
– giving lip

Every parent will experience some form of this. It seems to happen when they get around grade school age – 5 or 6. They want to engage you whether it’s positive or negative. Remember our discussion about negative discipline in Episode 109  You can’t give in to this.

Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline says that “when a child talks back, what he’s really expressing is anger, frustration, fear, or hurt.”

So the reality is they are probably feeling something and don’t know how to express it. So they do they by talking back. What can we do about it? Here are a few tips:

– #1 tip – Ignore them. If you are in a situation where that is possible, simply don’t engage with the behavior. Be prepared they may escalate it so ignoring is not always the ideal answer.

– Don’t take it personally – As Jane Nelson say, something else is going on. It may have nothing to do with you. If you approach it that way, you will be more inclined to not be negative yourself.

– Show empathy – Because there could be something else going on, showing empathy may help diffuse the situation. “You are really mad about not being able to watch TV. I can understand how that can be frustrating.”

– Offer Options – Instead of TV, you can read a book in your room or play with your legos. Which one do you prefer?

– Give warnings on time – A lot of battles are over time: coming inside for dinner, only …

Learning Patience For Your Own Sanity – Dudes To Dads Ep 126

Episode 126 we discuss patience.  We learn why we lose our patience and what to do about it.  I think it’s important to understand why we lose our patience. What is it about situations that cause us to go wacky? Here are a few I have witnessed:

1) Expectations – You set yourself up for failure. you think something should be going a certain way and it doesn’t happen that way. Expectations can be a killer.

2) Tired – Sleep is essential. When you are sleep deprived it’s really easy to be irritable and lost patience.

3) Hungry – Some people get hangry. But low blood sugar or being hungry can cause some people to act abnormal.

4) Displaced Anger – Are you really mad at your wife, co-worker, or friend? Being in a bad place certain shows up with us acting out on someone else..often times our children.

5) Stress – Are you feeling financial stress? Is there family drama that you have to deal with? These stressers can certainly cause you to have low patience.

So how can we learn to be more patient?

1) Express gratitude – When their room is a complete mess 24 hours after it was cleaned, you can think about how they live in the moment. They are active and adventurous.

2) Choose your battles – Think about how important or not important the situation is. If you are 5 minutes later than you want is it going to cause a big problem? Is this life and death?

3) Take a break – Simply walk away from the situation and give yourself some time calm down.

4) Take 5 deep breathes – Breathing can help slow your heart rate and gives you the time to pause. After you take 5 deep breathes you …

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