Monthly Archives: October 2017

11 Things Dads Should Never Apologize For – Don’t Feel Guilty – Dudes To Dads Ep 139

In episode  139 we discuss 11 things that dads should never apologize for.  There are things that happen in the world or at work that you shouldn’t apologize for and then items related to your family.

Not directed at your family (world/work)

1. That you got upset with your kids in public

2. Leaving work a little early for something with your kids

3. A baby that cries in public – every baby cries

4. Missing a friend’s party or event (whether you would rather spend time with your family or you are just so tired), either one is fine

Family-related – Dealing specifically with the kids

5. Sometimes you have to work nights or weekends

6. That you enjoy work (Feeling productive. Right or wrong, men often define themselves by their work

7. You can’t make every sporting event or recital. Be sure to make the important ones

8. That your there for every bedtime

9. Getting annoyed by your children

10. Telling your child no

11. Taking “me time” Need time away…

My Child Is Scared of Everything- Kids Fears Are Real – Dudes to Dads Ep 138

I was talking to a dad the other day and he was mentioning his 5-year-old is scared of EVERYTHING.  He said, “She just seems scared of everything and everybody”.  Now I don’t know if he was exaggerating but it did give me the idea for this episode.

The truth is that 100% of kids have some fear or another.  Nobody has no fears.  Certainly, some kids are more fearful than others.

AnxiousToddlers.com list many of the fears that children face.  We’ll go over some of these up to age 11 but of course, there are still many many fears after that.
https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/worries-by-age/

Age 2-4
All things related to potty training
The Dark
Lightening and thunder
Shadows
Separation from parent (getting lost)
Water, pools, baths
Animals
People in costumes/masks

Ages 5-7
Still many toilet-related issues
The Dark
Monster, Zombies, Ghosts
Separation from parent
Fear of people not liking them
Fear of doctors, dentists, shots
Water & pools
Loud noises

Ages 8-11
Fear of dark
Bad people, being kidnapped
Being home alone
Something bad will happen to parents
Fear of dying or loved ones dying
Disease, illness, aches, and pains
School failure
Taking tests
Having no friends, being teased by peers
Heights
Storms

So what do we do?
1) First, acknowledge the fear and provide empathy.  Talking about it makes it less powerful.

2) Do not ridicule or exacerbate the feelings.  Laughing will make them feel worse.

3) Don’t avoid the fear.  Provide support and care as you approach the fear.  For example,  if they are afraid of the pool, you can hold them and go in slowly.

4) Have them rate the fear from 1 to 10.  It might not be as intense as you thought.  Or it’s more intense than you thought.

5) Teach them relaxation, breathing techniques.  Also positive

Relationship Advice For Dads – Dudes To Dads Ep 137

We focus so much on the parent-child relationship, however, it’s important for us to focus on the relationship we have with our spouse. Here are some relationship advice tips for dads:

1) Listen to her instead of trying to solve problems – We men have a tendency to try and solve problems instead of just listening.

2) Know her love language and do more of it: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch…and do more of it

3) Say “I love you” more. Send her a text during the day or write her a note. Don’t make it sexual, just be vanilla

4) Remember your anniversary (and her birthday). Plan something of getting her gifts, depending on her love language

5) Don’t complain – Nobody likes to hear complaining. Even if it’s not about her. Refrain from verbalizing it.

6) Give her compliments – While they can be physical, men often compliment when they want something. Compliment her on something non-physical or non-sexual, and expect nothing in return.

7) Plan a weekend getaway without kids – Go away for a weekend. If you can’t afford to go anywhere, have your kids go away for a weekend to a friend’s or relative’s house. Maybe you can do an exchange with another family.

8) If something is bothering you in the relationship, look at what you could do differently in order to get a different response. Maybe it’s not her? Sometimes we have to look at our own behavior and what we might be causing.

9) Don’t be critical – Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you do like

10) Offer help unsolicited – Don’t ask if she needs help, instead make a statement to help. For example, “I’ll go pick up …

Natural Consequences – Let Your Kids Be Cold, Wet, & Lunchless – Dudes To Dads Ep 136

Today in Episode 136 we are talking about natural consequences. What are they are why are they so effective?

Definition: Natural consequences to children are things that happen as a result of behavior (or lack of it) with no interference by an adult. The cool part is that you get to teach your children important lessons, without being the bad guy.

Here are a couple of examples:

1) If you stand in the rain, you’ll get wet. So when you ask them to put on a raincoat, bring an umbrella, or rain boots, they will get wet and probably be pretty uncomfortable.

2) If you don’t eat, you get hungry – How many times do we tell our kids to make sure they eat before they leave somewhere. If they choose not to and then get hungry, it’s not going to be fun.

3) If you forget your lunch, you are going to be hungry – Parents will often save the day by running back to the school.

4) If you forget your backpack, you will turn in your assignment late – Again, parents will often bring the backpack to school for the child.

5) If you don’t bring a jacket when it’s cold out, you will be cold – You can tell them it is going to be cold but until they experience it, they may not understand. They will begin to believe what you say.

6) If you don’t read the lesson or study for the test, you will get a bad grade. It’s up to them if they want to get good grades. Again, if your child is not concerned about their grade, you are going to have to figure that one out. This is probably your concern and not theirs. But for most, they want to …

How To Help Your Child Make New Friends – Dudes To Dads Ep 135

This episode 135  is about helping your child make new friends.  As they get into school in kindergarten they start creating friendships. A lot of it is related to proximity. Kids in the same class become friends or you become friends with kids in the neighborhood.

It’s really cool to see kids that develop a bond early on.

But sometimes you see that they don’t mesh well. You have to recognize if it could be your kid that is the issue or the other children they are around just may not be a good fit.

For example, if your child is shyer, do they seem to mesh well with another shy child or someone younger?

You need to be pro-active. Nothing is going to happen by doing nothing.

Discuss the qualities that make a good friend – honesty, being kind, having fun. Ask them the type of qualities they value? What kind of people do they want in their life?

Provide Positive reinforcement – “I saw you and Sarah were sharing your dolls back and forth. You were really playing well together.”

Offer them some conversation and/or playing tips: “Allow both people to talk”. “Ask them questions, but also allow them to ask you questions.” Do you usually play what your friend wants to or always tell them what to do?

Schedule Play Dates – Try setting up times to play with different children. Only one at a time though. Try different personalities. You’ll begin to see the who your child seems to get along with. However, this may not always be the desired friend. Just because they are getting along doesn’t mean they are each a good influence on each other.

Keep Expectations in Check – Never force the child to have the playdate but certainly, you can encourage …

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