Definition of Parent: To act as a mother of father, protector or guardian. To rear and nurture.
Definition of Coach: to give instruction or advice
We certainly may be both of those things but in this episode, Jason and Alan discuss how being a Coach can create a different mindset on how to deal with your kids. When you begin to think of yourself as a coach, teacher, or instructor, you can be much more effective with your kids. We want them to be moral, contributing members of society. Not that every situation has to be a learning experience, but how we interact with them is crucial.
Jason provides the example of his 5 year old crying before school because she can’t find her shoes. His incorrect reaction was “Why do you not put your shoes in the same spot every day. Then you know they are there” His daughter’s response is to get even more upset. You are then teaching her that she is doing something wrong. She doesn’t think about how to fix it, she’s thinking simply that dad is being mean. You have accomplished nothing. Attempting to fix things during an emotional moment for a 5 year old is worthless.
For Jason, he has to remind himself and remember that his daughter is 5. She is trying to figure out the world around her. Even finding her shoes can be a big deal. It’s a bigger deal if they can’t be found. The world is about to end. The answer is to try and help right then and solve the problem. Maybe say to her: “Oh, you can’t find your shoes? That would be frustrating. Let me see if I can help you find them.” She then feels supported and then at a different time you can go over where shoes are supposed to go.
When we see our children act out, we take it personally. As men we often get upset and most will discipline. We think that by using discipline we are fixing behavior. We have already proven this to be innefective.
As a coach, you will teach someone how to perform, get ready for a game, ultimately teaching our kids on how to perform in life. We allow them to be themselves, grow, and figure out how things. A good coach focuses on the strengths of each player. A coach can still have compassion, be caring, and want what is best for the child.
Jason also provides a couple tips to Coaching in situations:
1) Stop and recognize the opportunity for you to coach
2) See the situation through the eyes of the child
3) Have empathy
4) Help or guide them toward the answer
5) Teach them the correct answer if they don’t get it or are too young