The topic for today hits close to home. It’s about being critical. We can be critical of ourselves, critical of our spouses, our children, or even complete strangers. Jason’s hypothesis is that the happier we become with ourselves, the less critical we are all around. He shares that he is noticing this within himself. Earl Nightingale’s quote “When you judge others, you do not define them, you define yourself” really defines the subject matter for this episode.
Jason mentioned a great article in psychology today. One of the statements: “Criticism is an utter failure at getting positive behavior change. Any short-term gain you might get from it just builds resentment down the line” resonates with the guys. Alan and Jason then talk about Criticism vs Feedback. Can you think of an example of where you might be considered critical? Either with friends, significant other, or even co-workers?
The truth is that it does not work. For example : coming home and making the statement…wow, this house is so messy. Kids feel like they are being criticised and a spouse would take that personally and say that you are being critical of her. Here are some better ways to provide feedback:
- Focus on how the person can improve not what is wrong
- Focus on the behavior you would like to see, not on the personality of your partner or child.
- Sincerely offer help.
- Respect his/her view even if you don’t agree.
- Resist the urge to punish or withdraw affection if he/she doesn’t do what you want. Find a solution that works for both.