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27 Things New Dads Should Never Say to New Moms

Congratulations, you are a dad! You just had your baby and are filled with love, fear, and every other emotion possible.  While all of the excitement (and lack of sleep) is going on, you’ll want to remember to think before you speak.  Of course you wouldn’t intentionally say anything to bother or hurt your wife.  However just because you didn’t intend evil, doesn’t mean it’s ok to say.  Here at Dudes To Dads we wanted to provided a little advice on what you shouldn’t say to a new mom.  If you need further explanation of these, listen to the Dudes To Dads Podcast Episode 21 which covers these.  We also have created the list of 25 Things You Should Never Say To Your Kids

Here are 27 Things New Dads Should Never Say to New Moms:

1. Can I get a little privacy here?
2. That’s a mom’s job
3. What did you do all day?
4. Are we eating this for dinner again?
5. Stop Worrying!
6. Why is this house so messy?
7. Where is the/my ________?
8. Why didn’t you _____?
9. Can’t you stop the baby from crying?
10. It’s your turn to change the diaper
11. Honey, you go out, I’m happy to babysit
12. I think I’m too tired to help with the baby tonight
13. Must be nice hanging out with the baby all day
14. You Look tired
15. Why don’t we start formula feeding
16. I can’t remember the last time we had sex
17. The kid will be fine
18. Are you going to take a shower?
19. When are you going to lose that baby weight?
20. I’m a bit busy today, can you run some errands for me?
21. Can you believe your mom said ______
22. …

Kids in Sports, Brushing Hair, Bathing Battle – Dudes To Dads Ep 20

Jason’s longtime friend Kevin visits the podcast for Episode 20.  Kevin is a dad of 2 (boy and girl) and is a friend of Jason’s for over 30 years.  We begin the episode in a debate about children in sports and while there can be some great benefits to the children, there can also be a sacrifice of quality/family time to do it as well as free time for the children. Kevin coaches both of his kid’s teams and emphasizes the parent’s role in how the child is going to perceive it.  In Stuff To Do, Jason suggests allowing your kids to help you in a project in which you had not thought of.  Jason was putting together a desk for his son and decides to include both his 5  year old daughter and 7 year old son into the process.  While it may take a little longer, it was an activity that everyone enjoyed.  In the Mailbag, a listener Greg writes that he has a lot of difficulty brushing his daughter’s hair and the guys provide their own stories to help solve the problem.  With the Battlefield and kids not wanting to bathe, Kevin tells the story of how he uses the “Stinkpass” to allow his children the opportunity once a week not to choose to bathe.  If they keep it, they may get a reward.  Jason used the tactic of being very calm and “killing them with kindness” to get through a potentially dangerous battlefield.  We finish out the episode with a quote from DeeAnn Stewart from “What Spock Forgot.”

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00) – Jason’s good friend Kevin joins this episode.

Dad’s Debate (6:20) – Kids in Sports.  What age to enter competitive sports?

Stuff to Do (16:26) – Include them in a project you had …

Anti-Mobile Phone Rant, Children with Phones, Kinetic Sand – Dudes To Dads Ep 19

In episode 19 we begin with welcoming more international listeners.  We are getting more listeners from Canada as well as new listeners from New Zealand and Romania.  It’s pretty amazing that the podcast is starting to reach an international audience.  Jason starts off with a rant about cell phones.  It seems people don’t know how to socialize anymore.  He was listening to the radio and they were discussing how over 50% of people in a restaurant were on their phones while having dinner with their families.  Whether you are having a meal, at the playground, or anywhere else with your kids/family, put the devices down and pay attention.  We learn face to face and that personal interaction is priceless.  This is the recommendation in Stuff To Do.  Simply put the phone down and play with your kids.  In SuperCharge we talk about Kinetic Sand which is a really cool product that allows you to mold and play with sand even indoors without making a mess. Our email is from Gabe who asks if we are ever going to do video.  While video recording would be nice, we simply don’t have the time/resources to currently do it.  It’s an excuse but a pretty good one as video adds a big layer of complexity.  Dr. Ellen Kreidman in Light Her Fire suggests we catch our kids doing something good for a change.  We wrap up the episode with a quote from Jason “Put your phone away.  Your child will appreciate it and so will your relationship with your child”.

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00) – Jason goes on a rant about mobile phones and his dislike for them.

Dad’s Debate (13:59) – What age does a child get a mobile phone?

Stuff to Do (23:09) – Put the phone down and play …

Empathy Towards Your Kids, You Are Special, Listening To Women – Dudes To Dads Ep 18

The theme for episode 18 is Empathy.  We talk about how we now have international listeners from Canada, Austria, Nicaragua, etc. The local news also stopped by to interview Jason. A brief part of the interview did air on the local news and you can see it here.  Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.  It really applies to everyone: kids, work, and your spouse. In SuperCharge we introduce the book “You are Special” by Max Lucado. It’s a story of Punchinello, the wooden Wemmick.  The story reminds us that we are wonderful just the way we are.  We then go into the The Battlefield and talk about how children need empathy much more than a solution.  We often think because we know more that we need to provide advice.  They just want to be heard.   The Light Her Fire segment also discusses empathy in which women just want you to listen.  Do not give them advice unless they ask for it.  To emphasize this, we do Dad’s Homework which is to not give anyone advice for a week unless they ask for it.  We finish out the episode with a quote from Stephen Covey: “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00) – Theme for this podcast is Empathy, International listeners

Supercharge (6:22) – The Book “You are Special” by Max Lucado

The Battlefield (12:50) –  Being empathetic toward your child versus telling them things are ok.

Light Her Fire (19:28) – Listen instead of providing solutions

Dad’s Homework (26:01) – Do not give advice or instruction unless asked.

Quote of the Day

How Others Effect Us, Be In Charge Without Controlling, Flyebaby – Dudes To Dads Ep 17

How Other People Effect Us

Jason and Alan are once again joined by Vince, a friend of Jason’s and fellow member of the Dudes To Dads Meetup group.  Vince has 2 young boys and sits in on the show.  Jason begins the show telling the other guys about Mancrates.com which carries all kinds of gifts for men.  It’s the man alternative to a gift basket and they are awesome.  He also mentions the course Freedom To Be and the decision of how things and people effect us.  We get into the Battlefield and discuss how we have the power over how to let things effect us.  Jason offers an example that happened with his son and Vince provides a story he experienced at the zoo. You may have great intentions but you are stressed and probably not parenting in an ideal way or how you would want.  Alan then brings up the topic about things you can’t do when you have children. In Light Her Fire, Dr. Ellen Kreidman gives us a great subtle way to be inclusive in our requests. For SuperCharge, Jason introduces the Flyebaby, an infant airplane seat. We close out the episode with a quote from Bill Reidler called Oneness.  Be sure to subscribe via iTunes and sStitcher.

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00)Mancrates.comFreedom To Be

The Battlefield (13:50) –  How the elements of life effect how we parent.

Light Her Fire (20:36) – A subtle way to be in charge without sounding like your controlling

SuperCharge (36:20) – An infant airplane seat called the Flyebaby

Quote of the Day (39:55) – Oneness by Bill Reidler

Dudes To Dads Featured on Local San Diego News KGTV Channel 10 (ABC)

Dudes To Dads was featured on the local news in San Diego on KGTV Channel 10 (ABC).  They did a brief interview with Jason and mention both the local meetup as well as the podcast.  It was a great opportunity to share what Dudes To Dads is doing and why it exists.

Kids are Capable, 50 Dangerous Things To Do, What Do Women Want – Dudes To Dads Ep 16

In episode 16 we are joined by Vince, a friend of Jason and dad in the meetup group.  Although the audio on Vince’s mic is hard to hear, Vince provides additional insight as the father of 2 young boys. We start with the mailbag with an email from Daniel who writes about how he feels his children should be doing more things on their own versus his wife who still helps the child with many tasks.  We discuss how kids are very capable and Jason refers to some information he received in the Susie Walton’s Joy of Parenting course for age appropriate tasks:

1-2 years old – carry dishes to kitchen, throw away diapers
2-3 – help sort laundry, help make beds
4-5 – prepare cold cereal, set and clear the table
6-8 – vacuum, make their own lunches for school
9-10 – clean bathrooms, wash dishes

We mention the Diaper Genie which Alan was not familiar with.  Then in Stuff to do, we dive into a discussion about the the book 50 Dangerous Things (You Should Let Your Children Do) By Gever Tulley.  We mention a few of the dangerous things as Vince shares his experience, but here are the 50 things:

  1. Lick a 9-volt Battery
  2. Play in a Hailstorm
  3. Master the Perfect Somersault
  4. Kiss Hello Like the French
  5. Stick Your Hand Out of the Window
  6. Drive a Nail
  7. Drive a Car
  8. Throw a Spear
  9. Make a Bomb in a Bag
  10. Play with the Vacuum Cleaner
  11. Throw Rocks
  12. Play with Dry Ice
  13. Boil Water in a Paper Cup
  14. Put Strange Stuff in the Microwave
  15. Throw Things From a Moving Car
  16. Drop From High Places
  17. Burn Things With a Magnifying Glass
  18. Walk Home From School
  19. Climb on the Roof
  20. Squash Pennies on a Railroad Track
  21. Spend an Hour Blindfolded
  22. Bend

5 Tips for Dads Going Through Divorce – Dudes to Dads Ep 15

In this episode we are joined by two divorced dads: Max and Craig.  Each have gone through similar difficulties with divorce and offer suggestions and tip for dads who face this challenge.  Divorce is not easy for anyone.  When there are kids involved and you are in an adversarial relationship, it can be even harder.  Join us on this episode and learn some tips how to better deal with divorce as a dad.  Here are the major themes of the tips:

  1. Get Your Logistics In Order
  2. Do not blame spouse regardless of circumstance
  3. The child is not the therapist
  4. Protect children from your dating
  5. Have the big picture in mind

Sibling Arguments, Children Teaching Class, Age For Makeup, Negative Talk – Dudes To Dads Ep 14

We bring back the Battlefield and discuss sibling arguments and how to handle them a little differently than usual.  It helps prevent one child from from being a victim over another. For Stuff To Do, we suggest asking your child to teach a class in which you are the student.  Let them choose which topic or help them choose if they are younger.  We then debated on the appropriate age for girls to begin wearing makeup.  We didn’t have an answer but discuss how important it is to help your daughters feel “pretty” on the inside.  We then move into Dad’s Homework in which we suggest writing your criticisms of your child rather than saying them. It allows you to still get it out without effecting the child.  In Light Her Fire, Dr. Ellen discusses the negative game in which you have to kiss your spouse every time you say something negative.  We then finish off the podcast with a famous quote by Henry Ford, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, either way you are correct.”

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00)

The Battlefield (3:56) – What to do when siblings argue?

Stuff to Do (9:22) – Attend a class taught by your child.

Debate (12:07) – What age is appropriate for girls to wear makeup?

Dad’s Homework (17:23) – Write down your criticisms of your child rather than saying it.

Light Her Fire (20:22) – Play the negative game

Quote of the Day (24:24) – Famous quote by Henry Ford.

 …

Complimenting Co-workers, Board Games, Why People Cheat & Double Standards – Dudes To Dads Ep 13

We kicked off Episode 13 going right into a debate about compliments.  Alan had brought up complimenting co-workers and where the line is drawn.  Can you complement a female co-worker on her appearance?  This is something we discuss.  Then on Stuff to Do we bring back old school board games: checkers, monopoly, etc.  Break out a board game and play.  For the mailbag, a listener Riley asks about what the podcast will do when Alan becomes a dad.  We then jump into Light Her Fire and Dr. Ellen talks about why affairs happen and what needs to be done to keep her.  Our quote of the day also has to do with cheating and that guys are dogs.  We close the show with Dad’s Homework, suggesting you go out and play a board game of which we discussed in the Stuff to Do segment.

SEGMENTS

Welcome & Intros (0:00)

Dad’s Debate (1:11) – Compliments and what is appropriate for co-workers or friends

Stuff to Do (8:32) – Play a board game

Mailbag (11:26) – What happens when Alan becomes a Dad?

Light Her Fire (13:52) – Why do people cheat?

Quote of the Day (17:04) – About the double standard

Dad’s Homework (21:22) – Play board games with your child

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