Dad Blog

11 Things Dads Should Never Apologize For – Don’t Feel Guilty – Dudes To Dads Ep 139

In episode  139 we discuss 11 things that dads should never apologize for.  There are things that happen in the world or at work that you shouldn’t apologize for and then items related to your family.

Not directed at your family (world/work)

1. That you got upset with your kids in public

2. Leaving work a little early for something with your kids

3. A baby that cries in public – every baby cries

4. Missing a friend’s party or event (whether you would rather spend time with your family or you are just so tired), either one is fine

Family-related – Dealing specifically with the kids

5. Sometimes you have to work nights or weekends

6. That you enjoy work (Feeling productive. Right or wrong, men often define themselves by their work

7. You can’t make every sporting event or recital. Be sure to make the important ones

8. That your there for every bedtime

9. Getting annoyed by your children

10. Telling your child no

11. Taking “me time” Need time away…

My Child Is Scared of Everything- Kids Fears Are Real – Dudes to Dads Ep 138

I was talking to a dad the other day and he was mentioning his 5-year-old is scared of EVERYTHING.  He said, “She just seems scared of everything and everybody”.  Now I don’t know if he was exaggerating but it did give me the idea for this episode.

The truth is that 100% of kids have some fear or another.  Nobody has no fears.  Certainly, some kids are more fearful than others.

AnxiousToddlers.com list many of the fears that children face.  We’ll go over some of these up to age 11 but of course, there are still many many fears after that.
https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/worries-by-age/

Age 2-4
All things related to potty training
The Dark
Lightening and thunder
Shadows
Separation from parent (getting lost)
Water, pools, baths
Animals
People in costumes/masks

Ages 5-7
Still many toilet-related issues
The Dark
Monster, Zombies, Ghosts
Separation from parent
Fear of people not liking them
Fear of doctors, dentists, shots
Water & pools
Loud noises

Ages 8-11
Fear of dark
Bad people, being kidnapped
Being home alone
Something bad will happen to parents
Fear of dying or loved ones dying
Disease, illness, aches, and pains
School failure
Taking tests
Having no friends, being teased by peers
Heights
Storms

So what do we do?
1) First, acknowledge the fear and provide empathy.  Talking about it makes it less powerful.

2) Do not ridicule or exacerbate the feelings.  Laughing will make them feel worse.

3) Don’t avoid the fear.  Provide support and care as you approach the fear.  For example,  if they are afraid of the pool, you can hold them and go in slowly.

4) Have them rate the fear from 1 to 10.  It might not be as intense as you thought.  Or it’s more intense than you thought.

5) Teach them relaxation, breathing techniques.  Also positive

Relationship Advice For Dads – Dudes To Dads Ep 137

We focus so much on the parent-child relationship, however, it’s important for us to focus on the relationship we have with our spouse. Here are some relationship advice tips for dads:

1) Listen to her instead of trying to solve problems – We men have a tendency to try and solve problems instead of just listening.

2) Know her love language and do more of it: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch…and do more of it

3) Say “I love you” more. Send her a text during the day or write her a note. Don’t make it sexual, just be vanilla

4) Remember your anniversary (and her birthday). Plan something of getting her gifts, depending on her love language

5) Don’t complain – Nobody likes to hear complaining. Even if it’s not about her. Refrain from verbalizing it.

6) Give her compliments – While they can be physical, men often compliment when they want something. Compliment her on something non-physical or non-sexual, and expect nothing in return.

7) Plan a weekend getaway without kids – Go away for a weekend. If you can’t afford to go anywhere, have your kids go away for a weekend to a friend’s or relative’s house. Maybe you can do an exchange with another family.

8) If something is bothering you in the relationship, look at what you could do differently in order to get a different response. Maybe it’s not her? Sometimes we have to look at our own behavior and what we might be causing.

9) Don’t be critical – Instead of saying what you don’t like, say what you do like

10) Offer help unsolicited – Don’t ask if she needs help, instead make a statement to help. For example, “I’ll go pick up …

Natural Consequences – Let Your Kids Be Cold, Wet, & Lunchless – Dudes To Dads Ep 136

Today in Episode 136 we are talking about natural consequences. What are they are why are they so effective?

Definition: Natural consequences to children are things that happen as a result of behavior (or lack of it) with no interference by an adult. The cool part is that you get to teach your children important lessons, without being the bad guy.

Here are a couple of examples:

1) If you stand in the rain, you’ll get wet. So when you ask them to put on a raincoat, bring an umbrella, or rain boots, they will get wet and probably be pretty uncomfortable.

2) If you don’t eat, you get hungry – How many times do we tell our kids to make sure they eat before they leave somewhere. If they choose not to and then get hungry, it’s not going to be fun.

3) If you forget your lunch, you are going to be hungry – Parents will often save the day by running back to the school.

4) If you forget your backpack, you will turn in your assignment late – Again, parents will often bring the backpack to school for the child.

5) If you don’t bring a jacket when it’s cold out, you will be cold – You can tell them it is going to be cold but until they experience it, they may not understand. They will begin to believe what you say.

6) If you don’t read the lesson or study for the test, you will get a bad grade. It’s up to them if they want to get good grades. Again, if your child is not concerned about their grade, you are going to have to figure that one out. This is probably your concern and not theirs. But for most, they want to …

How To Help Your Child Make New Friends – Dudes To Dads Ep 135

This episode 135  is about helping your child make new friends.  As they get into school in kindergarten they start creating friendships. A lot of it is related to proximity. Kids in the same class become friends or you become friends with kids in the neighborhood.

It’s really cool to see kids that develop a bond early on.

But sometimes you see that they don’t mesh well. You have to recognize if it could be your kid that is the issue or the other children they are around just may not be a good fit.

For example, if your child is shyer, do they seem to mesh well with another shy child or someone younger?

You need to be pro-active. Nothing is going to happen by doing nothing.

Discuss the qualities that make a good friend – honesty, being kind, having fun. Ask them the type of qualities they value? What kind of people do they want in their life?

Provide Positive reinforcement – “I saw you and Sarah were sharing your dolls back and forth. You were really playing well together.”

Offer them some conversation and/or playing tips: “Allow both people to talk”. “Ask them questions, but also allow them to ask you questions.” Do you usually play what your friend wants to or always tell them what to do?

Schedule Play Dates – Try setting up times to play with different children. Only one at a time though. Try different personalities. You’ll begin to see the who your child seems to get along with. However, this may not always be the desired friend. Just because they are getting along doesn’t mean they are each a good influence on each other.

Keep Expectations in Check – Never force the child to have the playdate but certainly, you can encourage …

9 Values To Teach Your Child – Dudes To Dads Ep 134

In episode 134 Alan and Jason discuss 9 values dad can teach their kids.  Here they are in no particular order:

1. Respect – Have respect for other people, yourself, and things around you.

2. Honesty – Tell the truth. Sometimes it’s really hard, to tell the truth.

3. Being Polite – Say please and thank you.

4. Responsibility – Daily tasks such as brushing teeth and doing homework without being reminded teach responsibility.

5. Patience – Not everything happens quickly. It can take a long time for things to come about.

6. Gratitude – It’s the secret to happiness

7. Don’t Give Up – Quitting will not get you where you want to go.

8. Love – Allow them to express their emotions. Give them hugs, kisses, and say I love you often.

9. Empathy – The most important element in getting along with others.…

Anger Management for Dads – Tips to Control Your Temper – Dudes to Dads Ep 133

Anger is a real. We all get angry. But as a dad, it’s important we learn how to control our anger as our kids are watching. They see how we react and how we deal with things. Most of us don’t want to be angry, we just sometimes can’t help it. Although the reality is that it is a choice. While re-wiring our brain is the best answer, it may not be realistic for everyone.

Let’s start out by discussing a few types of anger. There are many but these seem to be some common ones:

Passive anger – usually is displayed in some not so obvious way. People may use the term “passive/aggressive”. Jokes, avoidance of a situation

Overwhelmed anger – sometimes used to relieve stress or pain, caused by life’s demands that could be too much

Volatile anger – builds and then erupts like a volcano. Expressed either physically or verbally.

Self-inflicted anger – this is directed at yourself, could be from guilt or shame guilt

Judgmental anger – which is directed toward others. Being critical, belittling others.

Chronic anger – which is prolonged, ongoing and can greatly affect someone’s health

If you find yourself getting angry with your child or spouse a lot, here are some ways to deal with anger:

1. Count to ten – take a breath and count. allow yourself the break

2. Take a timeout / physically walk away and remove yourself from the situation

3. Practice meditation or breathing exercises

4. Exercise – releases happy hormones and relieves stress

5. Understand why you are mad – we often get mad at our kids when we are actually frustrated or mad at something else. Identify exactly what you are mad at and figure out if you can change it

6. Self-Acceptance or acceptance …

Stop Shoulding On Your Kid – Love the Child You Have, Not the One You Want – Dudes To Dads Ep 132

As fathers, we may have an idea of how things should be. We “should” all over everyone. We often have high expectations. This may be expectations for ourselves, our spouses, and yes, even our children.

But what happens when we think something should go a certain way and it doesn’t or our kid should be a certain way and they are not? What do we do? We love them unconditionally, regardless of what we think they should do or be.

For example:

My kid is not good at sports – Yes physical exercise is important, but the likelihood they are going to be a professional athlete is 0. Why is this so important to you? Maybe because you played sports?

My kid is not very smart – Do they simply need some extra help? Are there other things that are distracting them. When kids find things interesting, they are typically more eager to learn.

My kid is messy and can’t clean up – I think this is common as they learn behavior over time. But really look at your own behavior. Are you cleaning up after yourself as well?

My kid moves too slow – Very common once again. Their brains just don’t process the information as fast as adults. They may also be a “smell the roses” kind of personality that can be different from you.

My kid doesn’t seem to have common sense – They need to be taught the ways of the world. You OB1 can teach them things.

My kid doesn’t have any ambition – Why is success or ambition so important? Do you feel they will struggle? What if they are happy with where they are at? Ambition and success do not equal happiness

My kid doesn’t have a good work ethic – Similar to …

The Biggest Parenting Mistakes Dads Make – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 131

Believe it not, we as dads are not perfect.  Of course, it’s important to identify our mistakes so we can fix them.  Here are 10 parenting mistakes dads make:

1) Leaving the parenting up to mom

2) Trying to solve problems instead of showing empathy

3) Not providing enough affection

4) Not spending enough quality time with their kids

5) Doing too much for the kids not thinking they are capable (ie. getting them dressed, cleaning up after them)

6) Living through their children (music, sports, education)

7) Aggressive punishment (yelling, spanking)

8) Expectation is too high

9) Underestimating their child

10) Not regulating the food/candy they eat (too much sugar)…

Is Wanting Time Alone Considered Being Selfish? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 130

In Episode 130 Alan and Jason have a discussion about Dads managing their time and having alone time.  There seem to be 3 different scenarios:

Dads with No Time 
– These dads need to make time for themselves.  If they are wanting time, how do they carve it out?  If they are happy, does that mean it’s not a problem?

Dads who don’t need a lot of time – These are people in which they don’t have a lot of requirements for their own time.  Or they may carve out time that the balance is currently ok.  Jason explains how this is how he currently lives.  He gets up early in the morning to get his own time.

Dads that take too much time – These dads go on golf trips and spend a lot of time away from the family.  The wives may be feeling neglected. The guys who are doing it don’t know or care.  Do they not appreciate their wives?

Some people may consider alone time selfishness but it really depends on your attitude around it and the people around you.  If the people around you are bothered by it, you might want to re-evaluate the time you are spending away.…

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