We once again record this episode while being live on Blab.im. If you want to learn how to communicate, you better first learn how to listen. Communication starts with listening! Talking with your kids is not a lecture, it’s two way discussion. Jason mentioned some great tips from an article by Dr. Laura Markham on How to get your child to listen:
1. Don’t start talking until you have your child’s attention. We spoke about GEMs last week.
2. Don’t repeat yourself. Go back to step 1 if needed.
3. Use fewer words.
4. See it from their point of view.
5. Engage cooperation – Give choices.
6. Stay calm. Take a deep breath.
7. Set up routines.
8. Listen. (role model the bahavior)
From the parent’s side, the ability to listen responsibly:
Involves: Being silent-listening intently to an entire explanation
Does Not Involve: Interrupting or formulating your response while the other person is talking (ie. not truly listening)
Involves: Creating a warm atmosphere for talk. Choosing a good time to share.
Does Not Involve: Insisting on a talk when the time is in-appropriate either for you or your child
Involves: Relaxing-responding to your child as an intimate friend
Does Not Involve: Displaying tension, disapproval, or hostility in facial or body expressions
Involves: Drawing out solutions from your child
Does Not Involve: Moralizing, fixing, converting, advising and lecturing
Involves: Allowing for complete expression of feeling
Does Not Involve: Denial, not permitting certain feelings to be expressed
National Center for Fathering – article on dads and sons communicating
To get Your Son to talk, don’t try to get him to talk – work on a project or do something fun
Watch for cues that he’s ready to talk.
Be available – no matter what time
Affirm him verbally. I love you, and I’m proud to be your dad.
Jason then discusses an article by “All Pro Dad” that offers these tips:
1. Breaking Bread
2. On the Move
5. Walk in Their Shoes
7. The Right Approach
8. Get off Their Back.
9. Open Your Book
10. An Open Door
Also remember that misbehavior is a form of communication. Something isn’t working in the child’s life. They are stressed. Look at your child’s behavior as stress rather than being “bad”.